It's year of projects and year of I-can't-wait-to-see-the-back-end-of-2013
I think I'm having the Californian version of panic attacks. Shortness of breath, tightness in the chest and light headedness, but without the actual panic. Oh and headaches. I'm having those too. If I was completely hysterical I would say classic panic attack, but here I am just sitting on the couch, not passing out; hoping that my symptoms aren't reflective of some horrible life threatening illness.*
I'm not used to this. This is our third go round on the unemployment-train and I think this time, with the single week of severance and the rent that was raised by $300 by our landlord this year I'm starting to lose my usual steadfastness. I suppose that keeping a brave face at home in front of the husband and children is taking a toll. Something has to give and it's my serenity. Or is that sanity?
The thing that is driving me the most crazy is that everything is ok for now. We have support. The unemployment checks should arrive soon and we have family to help us and in those ways we are so very lucky. I don't feel like I should be worrying, but I can't help it.
I'm afraid to even share these feelings lest some future employer reads them and decides I'm unworthy of employment, but I'd rather risk that in hopes that my worries and fears can help someone else.
But we don't come here for the mental challenges of America's most obsessed knitter, right? We come here for the knitting, of which there hasn't been much.
One thing I've deigned to knit has been my homegrown-stashbusting-cover for my mini poang chair. You see I did something silly (funny how often that happens) and I shrank the cover to my son's mini poang chair, so now it's just a sad and pathetic frame of a chair rather than an actual chair. A few weeks ago I cleaned and organized the boys bedroom and decided that I absolutely needed to knit something for this chair. I dug into the stash and came up with some chunky weight wools in blues and blacks (we seriously need to move through this knitting blue phase, right?). It's my new "I don't want to think about anything" project where I can just pick it up and knit a few rows and feel like I've accomplished something. I'm happy with the look of it for now. Hopefully I won't stash-bust myself out of yarn and have to buy more to finish this thing. That would sort of defeat the purpose.
This morning I cast on the last pair of Christmas socks. I'm hoping that this yarn isn't too girly because these socks are meant for a man. A manly man.
But all said and done, I'm feeling a bit better having typed this, so thanks all for the free therapy.
So here's my progress for the year!
- Textured Shawl (3% done)
- Poang chair cover (5% done)
- Christmas Socks #3 (3% done)
- Older Boy Cardigan
- Younger Boy Cardigan
- That Knitted Cuff Thing
- Mitered Block Blanket (95% done)
- Dahlia Cardigan (8% done)
Hannah Hat #2 100% done
Christmas Socks #2 (95% done)
Pepperberry Knits Hat (100% done)
Holden Shawlette (100% done)
Christmas Socks #1 (99% done)
*Oh wait, these are all symptoms of what happens to me when I'm having thyroid problems. Oh great, now I have to find a way to get my thyroid tested again sans insurance.
What kind of knitting pulls you out of a funk? Let me know in the comments.